Thor has these magical goats named Tanngnóstr and Tanngrsnir that pull him along in this magnificent, awe inspiring chariot. If two goats are to carry a chariot this large with as badass a dude as Thor, the God of Thunder, they better damn well be magical goats, but on top of that, Thor eats these goats on a somewhat regular basis. Sounds pretty ridiculous that Thor eats the goats that pull his chariot of glory, until you recall that these goats are magical goats. With this in mind, Thor’s goat eating habits are no longer that crazy, especially considering Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir.

The whole process normally should be considered animal cruelty, however, these are magical goats and Thor is a Norse God with a sweet hammer. The combination is better than Captain Planet. What happens is this: Thor gets hungry, and since he is out in the middle of Scandinavia, food can be scarce, particularly in the winter months. Goats are pretty edible, and Thor happens to have two of them. Naturally, he eats both goats, then proceeds to layout the skin and bones in an arrangement that would put any taxidermist to shame. With Mjolnir, Thor smashes the living shit (I guess in this case dead shit) out of the carcasses and BAM! Magical goats are back in action, ready to pull the mighty chariot again. This is all laid out in the Poetic Edda, the all encompassing collection of Norse mythology, kind of like the Bible.

Now, I have never actually seen these magical goats, mostly because they don’t actually exist. However, as far as other mythological animals, these magical goats are hands down the best. This is strictly considering only those whose form exists in reality (for example Archimedes the owl from The Sword and the Stone, the Disney version), not other crazy creature like the Chimera or Hodog, which we will address in full somewhat later. What is better than having your own portable food source that pulls you in the air on a chariot and will constantly replenish itself? I mean, Archimedes is just a smart-ass owl and the Golden Hind is just a really fast deer. Furthermore, the goat-drawn chariot scorches the earth.

All the holy places of mounds (air) were able to burn — and the earth was pushed aside

with hail for the kinsman of Ullr, when the goats of the light carriage pulled the temple

god forward to the meeting with Hrungnir, and the woman of Svolnir quickly broke

apart.[i]

This was taken from Hvin’s Haustlong, a piece of the Prose Edda, recounting the story of Thor’s epic battle with the giant, Hrungnir. What else is more fitting for the God of Thunder, the giant slayer, than two badass magical goats that rain down hail and scorch everything in their path? Pretty awesome stuff, and one more reason why goats are amazing.

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[i] http://userpage.fu-berlin.de/~alvismal/6duel.pdf