Scapegoat

We all know that when someone screws something up, that person tends to blame someone else. What you may not know is the origin of the word scapegoat. I posses this knowledge, and will pass it along to you. The original scapegoat was a goat that the Hebrews sent off into the hinterlands to atone for the sins of God’s people. 1: a goat upon whose head are symbolically placed the sins of the people after which he is sent into the wilderness in the biblical ceremony for Yom Kippur[1]

Now, this religious motif can be continued into Christianity, with Jesus taking the ultimate role as scapegoat. Interesting that the main figure for one of the world’s largest religions is a scapegoat. Coincidence? I think not. Goats are everywhere.

In the modern English language, scapegoat has become to mean anyone who takes the fall for others.

2 a: one that bears the blame for others b: one that is the object of irrational hostility

This, I feel, gives goats a bad name. When we think of scapegoats, we do not think of happy things. Not many people know this, but there is a society dedicated to raising awareness of the dangers of scapegoating (Someone though of my idea first). http://www.scapegoat.demon.co.uk/index.htm The one problem I have with this organization is that they are missing the most important issue with scapegoating, the simple fact that it is called, “scapegoating.” Does this look like it should take the blame for something it did not do? They should call it a scape-naked-mole-rat. How could you not want to blame that?

Famous scapegoats events throughout the existence of life on earth:

> Bill Buckner: I hate to use a Red Sox reference, but it fit so well, it couldn’t be helped.

> “witches” from Salem, MA, circa the 1690s: Read The Crucible.

> Scooter Libby: I guess he technically could be called a fall-guy, not a scapegoat, considering he wasn’t entirely innocent…

> Poison (the band): For single-handedly ruining a decade. They didn’t do it by themselves, they had help (discussion for another time).

> The Rook: Do you really think it’s his fault?

> Writers, artists, and others circa 1950: Blacklisting and McCarthyism…

> European Jews, homosexuals, and anyone who wasn’t a fascist circa 1930: Pretty self-explanatory.

Granted, there are many more, but a blog post can only be so long, even if it is about the greatest thing on the planet. But I regress. The point of looking at scapegoating is the fact that scapegoat is an offensive word. It’s a dirty word. This needs to change, it makes me sick.

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[1] Both definition 1 and definition 2 are from Webster’s Dictionary: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/scapegoats

The Miracle of Birth

A goat is a mammal, and as such shares the typical characteristics of other warm-blooded creatures. Observe the picture to the right. This is the highlight of this young goat's life (note the small goat hoof emerging from the womb), because from the moment it pops out, things go downhill for the goat. Most likely, this goat is now dead. If the goat is still alive somewhere, it probably is either fenced in or tethered to a post unable to roam the earth a free being.

As depressing as this goat's life may have been, it serves an important purpose. As a human being, the owner of this goat views food as a necessity. For without food, he (or she) will surely die of starvation. This goat, like all goats, served as a valuable food source. Like most mammals, goats lactate. Post-lactation, milk, cheese, butter, and cream can be produced. Side note: Trader Joe’s sells some great brie cheese made from goat’s milk. It is deliciously creamy. Goat cheese is generally a great thing, and works wonders spread on water crackers, or even better, put on pizza with tomatoes and basil. Goat existence is justifiable for the goat cheese pizza alone. When the goat stops lactating, or you just get sick of goat milk products (hard to believe this is possible), the goat can be harvested for its meat. Now, goat meat is a little tougher that most, but when cooked in a curry, it is pretty good. Goat tends to be pretty inexpensive, but it is not served at every normal grocery store. Rather, it tends to be found at the neighborhood grocer, along with pig’s feet and other such meaty deliciousness.

The domestication of the goat is proposed by some to be the earliest form of animal domestication.[1] This does make some sense, based on the fact that goat cheese is delicious, and goats have a wide tolerance for environmental conditions (pretty hearty animals). The article footnoted above, which is pretty awesome, makes the claim that goat domestication lead to the domestication of other goat-like animals (animals that are great sources of food, such as the cow and sheep). The root of all good livestock is goat. Another reason why goats are the best animal, ever.

Let’s get back to the point. Goats are mammals. They give live birth to goat babies. The picture to your left is proof. Note the sack of goat as it emerges from the womb in its full glory. Now, I had the privilege to see a live, in person goat birth. The goat dropped her child standing up like it was no big deal. The goat had a whatever, I give birth to baby goats all the time look and let the small bundle of goat flesh and tendons fall from her body. Now, I for one am glad that my mother did not decide to go through the same procedure as the goat. Instead, she opted for an indoor experience full of machines and people in masks and scrubs running around looking important and busy. Much more preferable to the goat birth experience (although, I guess you can’t knock it until you’ve tried it).

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[1] http://www.pnas.org/cgi/content/full/98/10/5382

There were two young brothers who were the sons of a King. Agnar and Geirrod, who were both around the age of 9, took a boat out on the water to catch a few fish. The fishing trip ended in disaster, with the boat being smashed on shore. A peasant couple found the two young boys and took care of them for the winter. Here begins the Grímnismál. This piece of the Poetic Edda (more or less the Bible of Norse mythology along with the Prose Edda) holds a description of Heiðrún, a goat.

25. Heiðrún the goat is called,
that stands o’er Odin’s hall,
and bits from Lærad’s branches.
He a bowl shall fill
with the bright mead;
that drink shall never fail.[1]

There it is: Stanza 25. Heiðrún the goat creates mead instead of milk, to quench the gods’ thirst in Odin’s abode. In the Poetic Edda, Heiðrún is in Valhöll (aka Valhalla). Here, the goat dispenses mead to the dead soldiers.

The she-goat, she who is called Heidrún, stands up in Valhall and bites the needles from the limb of that tree which is very famous, and is called Lærádr; and from her udders mead runs so copiously, that she fills a tun every day.[2]

Now this further illustrates the fact that the goat is a wonderful animal. A goat that gives you mead is quite outstanding. This brings me to the next piece of goat knowledge. Heiðrún is also the name of a meadery in Northern California. On top of this, the mead is no ordinary mead, it is sparkling mead. Mead, in case you did not know, is honey wine. This flows from a goat’s teat in Valhöll…an endless supply.

In Norway, there is a large oil field on the northwest coast. This oil field, coincidentally enough, bears the name Heiðrún. Mead is very much like oil, it’s shiny and people seem to like it. If you think of the world as a giant goat, the platform would be a giant goat teat, dispensing mead for cars to consume which allows for people to drive to places like Goat Rock and Billy Goat Trail (previously mentioned in past episodes). This supply is not endless, therefore the name is misleading. Shame on you, StatoilHydro. Back to important stuff, like dead people.

Being a dead Viking in a great hall, things probably would get pretty boring. No towns to pillage, no houses to burn, no America to discover, just a big hall of dudes taking about stuff they did a long time ago before they were decapitated by a large sword. This would get a little tedious and slightly depressing after a while. Who wants to hear Venegor talk about the time he made a suit out of one of the villagers he slaughtered in order to tick the next village into thinking he was just a normal villager (which would lure them into a false sense of security, where by allowing for more raping and pillaging)? Well, I would like to hear that story, so that’s not a good example…Eventually, these Viking warriors would get restless, angry, and probably to fight each other…a lot. People would hear about how shitty Valhöll, and wouldn’t want to die in battle (the risk of eternity of boredom too great). So Odin was smart enough to have a goat in his hall to make it more fun, because the goat had an endless supply of mead…genius.

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[1] http://www.northvegr.org/lore/poetic2/index.php

[2] http://www.northvegr.org/lore/prose/049052.php

Knife Leaf

Canal Road runs out of Georgetown into Maryland along the C and O Canal. A trail follows this road and canal, a trail I like to call, the Canal Road. This canal trail is fairly long, the total length of which is appropriate for biking, but not really for walking, way too long. It is a pretty nice trail, which is the towpath of the old canal. Great Falls, a state park in Maryland, is more or less found at the end of the towpath, which coincidentally became a destination on the Great Goat Odyssey.

What does the canal towpath have to do with goats, you may ask. Brian and I trekked out to Great Falls and put this one on the list when we found out that the name of one of the trails in the park was named "Billy Goat Trail." This particular leg of the odyssey was full of foraging and bounding that would have made any goat proud. We had a minor setback at the beginning of our journey and almost never made it to the goat trail, spending about an hour in the middle of the woods wandering on what we thought was a poorly maintained path (which really just happened to be the middle of the woods). One wilderness school of thought revolves around the principle that when lost in the woods, if you run around the woods for awhile, you’ll eventually not be lost anymore. This is pure stupidity. Fortunately for us goat trekkers, we ran into a dog walker, followed at a safe distance so as not to give away our position, and made it out of debacle unscathed. After finding some mysterious rock carvings, we overcame our ineptitude and made it to the head of the Billy Goat Trail.

If you ever have the desire to go to Great Falls, which you should because it is a pretty good goat activity you can do with your friends, you will notice giant museum-like signs with information and zoomed-in pictures of tiny, microscopic life forms that grace the landscape of Billy Goat Trail. These organisms are protected species and the Goat Trail is their sanctuary. While I have never seen one of these creatures, I know they are awesome, especially since they have some sort of connection with the goat.

Now, why does a rock in the middle of Western Mass and a Trail in Southern Maryland share the same Goat label? Well, goats are pretty awesome, and so are the Billy Goat Trail and Goat Rock. By the same logic, this would mean that cheese cake would be goat cake, Captain Crunch would be called Captain Goat, and every Sean Penn movie ever made would have the word goat in it somewhere (Goat Times at Ridgemont High just doesn't make sense). This is ludicrous. The other possible reason is that Billy Goat Trail and Goat Rock are craggy, rocky, natural monstrosities that a goat could easily maneuver, bounding up and down effortlessly. Not sure how this relates to other goat things yet, but we shall see.

Thor has these magical goats named Tanngnóstr and Tanngrsnir that pull him along in this magnificent, awe inspiring chariot. If two goats are to carry a chariot this large with as badass a dude as Thor, the God of Thunder, they better damn well be magical goats, but on top of that, Thor eats these goats on a somewhat regular basis. Sounds pretty ridiculous that Thor eats the goats that pull his chariot of glory, until you recall that these goats are magical goats. With this in mind, Thor’s goat eating habits are no longer that crazy, especially considering Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir.

The whole process normally should be considered animal cruelty, however, these are magical goats and Thor is a Norse God with a sweet hammer. The combination is better than Captain Planet. What happens is this: Thor gets hungry, and since he is out in the middle of Scandinavia, food can be scarce, particularly in the winter months. Goats are pretty edible, and Thor happens to have two of them. Naturally, he eats both goats, then proceeds to layout the skin and bones in an arrangement that would put any taxidermist to shame. With Mjolnir, Thor smashes the living shit (I guess in this case dead shit) out of the carcasses and BAM! Magical goats are back in action, ready to pull the mighty chariot again. This is all laid out in the Poetic Edda, the all encompassing collection of Norse mythology, kind of like the Bible.

Now, I have never actually seen these magical goats, mostly because they don’t actually exist. However, as far as other mythological animals, these magical goats are hands down the best. This is strictly considering only those whose form exists in reality (for example Archimedes the owl from The Sword and the Stone, the Disney version), not other crazy creature like the Chimera or Hodog, which we will address in full somewhat later. What is better than having your own portable food source that pulls you in the air on a chariot and will constantly replenish itself? I mean, Archimedes is just a smart-ass owl and the Golden Hind is just a really fast deer. Furthermore, the goat-drawn chariot scorches the earth.

All the holy places of mounds (air) were able to burn — and the earth was pushed aside

with hail for the kinsman of Ullr, when the goats of the light carriage pulled the temple

god forward to the meeting with Hrungnir, and the woman of Svolnir quickly broke

apart.[i]

This was taken from Hvin’s Haustlong, a piece of the Prose Edda, recounting the story of Thor’s epic battle with the giant, Hrungnir. What else is more fitting for the God of Thunder, the giant slayer, than two badass magical goats that rain down hail and scorch everything in their path? Pretty awesome stuff, and one more reason why goats are amazing.

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[i] http://userpage.fu-berlin.de/~alvismal/6duel.pdf